In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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