My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
