I heard we made out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
