I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
