Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
