She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My vagina is officially offended.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He did a backflip because drugs
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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