Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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