I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
