i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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