Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
