the condom got lost in my hair
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone came in the potted fern
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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