I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
