I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
