i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
