i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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