Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you had me at cake vodka
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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