he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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