can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My breasts were aching with rage.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
