i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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