now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
