I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
