this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
