i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
