Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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