i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
