Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
