oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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