I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
