She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
