Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
