I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
