Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
