Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
