I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
