So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
