This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If that was your dad, he is hot
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
