It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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