I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
