You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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