thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
