I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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