Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
