i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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