Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want a musical about memes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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