Apparently you make a good broom.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
