why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
