i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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