Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
