Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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