Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
