hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think my tv is drunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
