I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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